Yo, Y'all.

Hiiiiiiiiiiii! (do me a favor and read that in that voice you use when you haven't seen somebody forever and you run into them in the grocery store and you're like, "Oh shit, I should have given them a call or something.")

I seriously have missed you guys and judging by the LOADS* of concerned emails I've been getting, you've been wondering about me, too.

*And by "loads" I mean that one concerned email about whether I'm able to satisfy my partner without buying these herbal penis enhancements. Oh. Wait.

Ahem.

Anyway, I'm going to do a rundown of randomness right now because you've obviously been dying to know what I've been up to. And then you tell me in the comments what YOU'VE been up to, and we'll be caught up.

BUT FIRST. Just in case you do want to chat on a more regular basis (BECAUSE WHO WOULDN'T?!), you can follow me on Facebook here, on Twitter here, and on my personal favorite - Instagram - here, where I will follow you back if you're not set to private. Or just go to all these places and search for "@fightingfrumpy" if you'd rather. I'm not here to tell you how to live your life.

Okay. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, brace yourselves for the Bullet Points of Complete Randomness:

- The reason I have been writing less frequently here because I'm now an official staff writer for Scary Mommy, which has been one of my personal favorite blogs since, I don't know, FOREVER. (Jill Smokler - the Scary Mommy - commented on this post waaaaay back in 2009 when my third son was born and I nearly pissed myself.) So the chance to write for the site on a regular basis has been, as you can imagine, a dream come true. Read all my stuff here because it makes me look extra-valuable as a writer, mmkay?

- Speaking of nearly pissing myself. A while back I had the honor of being interviewed by a site called Thread M.B. (and you can read the interview here because it's awesome. I know ... links! Links everywhere!) Anyway, I subscribe to the Thread M.B. email updates and this is what I saw in my inbox when the interview went live yesterday:

And I totally squealed because HELLO THAT IS ME RIGHT BESIDE CHEF ROBERT IRVINE FROM THE FOOD NETWORK. He was interviewed by Thread M.B. too. I am in love with his shows and even my picture can't help but fangirl. See? (Fun fact: this photo was taken at the Center of Science and Industry, where I had literally just gotten shocked by a machine.) Anyway, I was so excited. BECAUSE ROBERT IRVINE.

There. Fixed it.

- Okay. So. It's summertime and I have four children home with me all day erry day and I'm trying to work and they're trying to be kids and it just doesn't mesh. (They are also apparently aiming for a world record at food consumption because OMFG.) I love them but I will be soooo glad when school starts in a few weeks. Holla if you hear me.

- As you know we recently moved to Ohio and our town is right on Lake Erie. Having spent the majority of my life as a landlocked Midwesterner, I don't have much experience with beaches. Now that we live close to one, my kids want to go there all the time. The first time we went I was WOEFULLY unprepared for the situation (wouldn't be the first time, heh!). I put sunscreen on them - they went into the water - then they rolled around in the sand. So sand was clinging to their bodies like sugar clings to a really good doughnut. But did I remember to bring towels? NO. And sand just doesn't brush off, apparently. So I made them strip down naked behind the door of our van and tried to use their clothes to get the sand off. And then their clothes were sandy. So they had to ride home naked and run from the driveway to the house naked and got sand all over the place. The moral of this story is that I hate sand and I hate the beach. The end.

- Also. I have been interrupted two separate times during the writing of this post by my newly-four-year-old, who is in the habit of pooping ONE. TURD. AT A TIME. Like eight times a day. Instead of getting it all out at once, he likes to stagger it and then yell - inevitably, from the upstairs bathroom - "MOM CAN YOU WIPE MY BUTT?" At least I'm getting a lot of steps on my Fitbit. Gotta look on the bright side. But I'm tired of wiping asses so pleeeeeease remind me of this the next time I so much as think briefly about having another baby. K?

- I'm going to be doing some giveaways in the near future - stuff to make you beautiful, because this blog is called "Fighting off Frumpy," after all - so keep yo' eyes peeled.

All right. I know it's hard to handle this much epic literary genius at once (links! Turds! Sand! Robert Irvine!), so I'm just gonna step back now and let you take it all in.

See y'all on Instagram!