Finders Weepers

I'm glad the typical visitor doesn't go poking around in my house. Because there's no telling what they'd unearth, for real. It might scar somebody for life.

I've found more than my share of surprises, many unpleasant: like rotting corn in the toy box, for example. Poop in a kitchen playset. A half-eaten PB&J sandwich, petrified, under the bunk bed. Sippy cups full of curdled milk. A water gun full of urine. A stuffed Elmo in the freezer. A blackened banana under the couch. Pee on my pillow. Poop in the closet. A random pair of the boys' undies in my van. Pineapple chunks in my bathroom sink.

... The same sink that, coincidentally, is home to this:

Also a surprise, clearly. And totally stuck in the little overflow-hole-thingy forever. 

Not long ago, I kept seeing this nasty little thing lying around:

Any guesses? I found it laying around in several places - this one being the bottom of the boys' bookshelf. Given my history of finding incredibly gross stuff, you can imagine what I thought it was. And I had a momentary freak-out every time I laid eyes on it.

Turns out, it was just Mario's missing mustache.

Whew.

I sewed it back on, but thanks to my lack of sewing skills, it now looks like Mario has a turd taped to the side of his face. It's a little crooked, y'all. But at least I don't have a mini heart attack when I encounter it in random places any more.

Yesterday, I found this:

My decorating abilities may leave a little to be desired, sure. But that flip-flop isn't actually supposed to be adorning my candle sconce. This is on the wall in my hallway, high enough that the kids can't reach, which means the shoe must have been flung there ... and then left.

I'm attempting to teach the boys that everything has a proper place. Thank goodness they're FINALLY learning that lesson when it comes to, like, poop. But I'm pretty sure my days of finding "surprises" are far from over.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever found somewhere?