Resolutions: a New Year's Poem

It's now a new year - a fresh start - a clean slate

A chance to ditch habits and start being great

It's time to improve, so I'm gonna list here

All the things I'm resolving to do in this year.

I resolve to stop shrieking and lower my tone

I resolve to stop playing so much with my phone

I resolve to drink water instead of sweet tea

I resolve to be selfless: more "you" and less "me"

I resolve to eat less and resolve to move more

I resolve to keep dirty clothes off of the floor

I resolve to shave more than "once in a while"

I resolve to return every scowl with a smile

I resolve to pinch pennies and save every dime

I resolve to arrive everywhere right on time

I resolve to take care of my poor, cracking heels

I resolve to cook fresh, wholesome, nutritive meals

I resolve to stop using pajamas for pants

I resolve to remember to water my plants

I resolve to be kind

I resolve to be thin

I resolve to pluck every last hair from my chin

I resolve to be patient

Resolve to be wise

To whittle my waist and slim down my thighs

To stop eating sugar

To stop drinking wine

To grow my own produce

To be more refined

To always look perfect!

To donate to charity!

To go through my budget

And catch each disparity!

To volunteer more!

To criticize less!

To not lose my cool when my kids make a mess!

To eat less red meat!

To sharpen my mind!

Prioritize, organize, clean, and streamline!

... Ah, who am I kidding?

All these resolutions

Are more wishful thinking

Than real-life solutions

So I'll ease up a bit on the New Year routine

And just try to be awesome in 2014!

Happy New Year everyone! Here's to a great one! :)