Dudes are Destructive: a Poem

I wrote a poem today, for anyone who is - or has ever wondered what it was like to be - the parent of a boy. (Complete with actual photos of my actual torn-up stuff. Ugh.) But first! Have you seen yesterday's post? Click here to find out some tidbits about me (like how I embarrassed myself in a foreign country and what I did after my first makeout session) - and then, at the bottom, join the linkup with your own post! I want to learn random weird stuff about you too! It's like a sleepover where we tell secrets only with less pajamas and sleeping and over-ing.

Anyway, without further ado ... le poetry. I know: Poet Laureate material right here, y'all.

If you're thinking of adding a bundle of joy

To your family, be warned: you might get a boy.

If you like your affairs all tidy and clean

Be prepared for your life to look less-than-pristine.

Boys snicker at farts and talk about balls

(All types) as they - oops! - bust holes in your walls.

Boys burp on command, and run around bare

Through the kitchen and - uh oh! - knock over your chair.

Boys use all your Band-aids as stickers and tape

And are carelessly mindless of things that go scraaaaape.

Boys stain, rip, shred, tear up, and tatter their clothes

And their three month old shoes get holes in the toes.

Boys roughhouse and wrestle, bruise limbs, eyes, and heads;

When you get a hotel room, they jump on the beds.

Boys ransack through closets and rummage through drawers

And - whoops! - bust your compact all over the floor.

Boys aren't outright malicious - it's not like they mean

To drop your new tablet and shatter the screen.

And they can melt hearts when they're snuggling each other,

Or sharing a treat with a sucker-less brother.

And they're good for a laugh when they're clowning around,

Or strutting their stuff in a "costume" they've found.

And no matter what, through laughter or drama,

One thing is constant: boys loooove them some Mama.

All things considered, there's no bigger blessing - 

They make up for the times when they're fighting or messing.

So if your heart's set on expanding your brood

It's actually awesome to parent a dude.

You might like it so much that you try to have more ...

Just be careful ...

Because you could end up with four.