The Aim Game
Cleaning a toilet used exclusively by three little boys is a torturous task, somewhere between a Brazilian wax (or what I imagine a Brazilian wax would feel like since you couldn't pay me to get one because I know what it feels like to do my armpits and that's bad enough) and a tooth extraction ... sans sedative.
They might be little now, but I'm keenly aware that soon enough, my dudes will be ... well, dudes. Big manly men. And an admirable - no, essential - quality in men is the ability to use a toilet without it looking like the bathroom of a seedy gas station when they leave. That means executing proper aim, wiping up any errant droplets, putting the seat down, and flushing.
It's my mission to shape my boys into the kind of men their wives will appreciate, so the toilet thing? That's big. Unfortunately, I can't post up in the bathroom every time one of them uses it (I'd be in there all day, y'all) and insist they follow the proper potty protocol. And although it seems simple, even for little guys - aimwipeseatflush - it's apparently a pretty hard process to remember every single time. Because as much as I'd like to think they're following the toilet rules, the crust around the base and dried drips down the sides and the occasional un-flushed turd (surprise!) tells me otherwise.
I spend too much of my life hunched in front of the boys' bowl, scouring its porcelain surface with whatever industrial-strength disinfectant I can get my hands on, wondering why I haven't yet invested in a HazMat suit.
So what do I do when I'm frustrated with something? Iyell cry lock myself in the closet and stuff my face with cupcakes write a poem about it, of course!
Despite possession of a part
That you can aim, just like a dart,
Your crusty toilet tells the tale
Of an epic aiming fail.
'Cause your ability to aim
Is nothing short of really lame -
Unless your aim's to make Mom frown,
In which case, dude, you've got it down.
We girls don't have the luxury
Of seeing where we put our pee
Yet I know that if you were a daughter,
You'd always hit the toilet water.
You're male, and nature made it easy
For you to point the thing and pee, see?
So use that gift, and keep things neat;
Don't spray the rim, the floor, the seat.
It's not too much to ask of you
That you control your pee and poo
So next time your toilet goes crusty and unflushed,
I'm making you clean it yourself ...
... with your toothbrush.
They might be little now, but I'm keenly aware that soon enough, my dudes will be ... well, dudes. Big manly men. And an admirable - no, essential - quality in men is the ability to use a toilet without it looking like the bathroom of a seedy gas station when they leave. That means executing proper aim, wiping up any errant droplets, putting the seat down, and flushing.
It's my mission to shape my boys into the kind of men their wives will appreciate, so the toilet thing? That's big. Unfortunately, I can't post up in the bathroom every time one of them uses it (I'd be in there all day, y'all) and insist they follow the proper potty protocol. And although it seems simple, even for little guys - aimwipeseatflush - it's apparently a pretty hard process to remember every single time. Because as much as I'd like to think they're following the toilet rules, the crust around the base and dried drips down the sides and the occasional un-flushed turd (surprise!) tells me otherwise.
I spend too much of my life hunched in front of the boys' bowl, scouring its porcelain surface with whatever industrial-strength disinfectant I can get my hands on, wondering why I haven't yet invested in a HazMat suit.
Buy this stylish suit here for the low, low price of only $758.99!
So what do I do when I'm frustrated with something? I
Despite possession of a part
That you can aim, just like a dart,
Your crusty toilet tells the tale
Of an epic aiming fail.
'Cause your ability to aim
Is nothing short of really lame -
Unless your aim's to make Mom frown,
In which case, dude, you've got it down.
We girls don't have the luxury
Of seeing where we put our pee
Yet I know that if you were a daughter,
You'd always hit the toilet water.
You're male, and nature made it easy
For you to point the thing and pee, see?
So use that gift, and keep things neat;
Don't spray the rim, the floor, the seat.
It's not too much to ask of you
That you control your pee and poo
So next time your toilet goes crusty and unflushed,
I'm making you clean it yourself ...
... with your toothbrush.
hahaha!! I had to come check out the poem and it DIDN'T disappoint!! clever, clever, clever! p.s. my bathroom smells like an outhouse... ;(
ReplyDeleteHaha! Nice poem. Keep the entertaining posts coming!
ReplyDeleteLOL, that poem is SO true! I've heard people say to throw a Cheerio in the toilet and tell the boys to aim at it. However, I'm thinking at least one of your boys might just think it's breakfast! ;o)
ReplyDeleteAs a mom of three boys I TOTALLY relate!! The older they get the better their aim seems to have gotten...I dont clean nearly as many nasty toilets as I used to. I started making them clean it once in a while and I think that really helped:)
ReplyDeleteTrue...after a certain age, most boys don't spray the floor or the seat. After about age 9 or 10, it usually stops. I have a 9 year old boy and the last time he sprayed the bathroom...it's been a couple years at least so he was probably about 6 or 7. My girl though is a different story...she's 5 and she is soooo impatient...wants to get back to playing, so she'll get up before she's done and leave a stream of pee on the seat for me to clean up.
DeleteI love this. And with 3 ages 10,8 and 7, I'm here to tell you it hasn't gotten any better...yet.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTrue...NATURE made it easier for guys but with all the stand-to-pee devices that they make for girls now, we have the same luxury of being able to aim our urine stream.
ReplyDelete