Random Rants

Every once in a while when I can't think of anything else to write about, I just feel the need to rant about random stuff that bugs me. (Like the wrongness of calling gum a "snack.") And today, lucky readers? Is one of those days.

First up: the phrase "hand-dipped ice cream." I see it just about everywhere ice cream is sold. It's apparently supposed, like, make the ice cream sound more enticing. It's *cue sparkly music* hand-dipped. Um ... duh? How else are you supposed to get the ice cream in the cone? Dig your toes down into the carton? Wedge an ice cream scoop between your butt cheeks and go to town? I've never seen a fancy-schmancy automatic ice cream scooper machine (I picture it to look something like something Dr. Seuss would have invented, with a lot of mechanical arms). So until someone invents one of those, pretty much ALL hard ice cream is gonna be - you guessed it - hand dipped. Stop trying to make it sound special.

Second: planking. Owling. Or what is apparently the newest trend, batting. All this stuff where people lay or sit in ridiculous poses in ridiculous places and get their picture taken. Call me old and stodgy, but I have entirely missed the point. If I want my picture taken in a random place to post on Facebook, you know what I do? I sit or stand. LIKE A REGULAR PERSON. What a novel idea!

Third: my children's recent and excessive use of the singsong phrase "nanny nanny boo boo." It is heard especially frequently at mealtime, in regard to plates and cups; i.e., "I got the green cup, nanny nanny boo boo." It doesn't matter that the cups are the same type, same size, same print, and contain the same amount of the same beverage. And I swear if I hear it one more time, I'ma throw all the damn cups away and make them drink out of identical water bowls like our pets do.

Okay. A poopy diaper beckons. Which brings me to my fourth gripe: almost-two-year-olds who aren't potty trained.

Just kidding ... sort of.