A Post Full of Poo

It's Monday. I'm STILL kind of sick. I've been sick since, like, Jesus was a little kid. Sore throat, rattling cough, general feeling of blah. I'm so tired of snot and yuck and ouch and ugh.

So you know what that means?

A rabbit-turd post.

Let me explain, for those of you who haven't been around here long. Most of the time I can construct a reasonably well put-together and coherent post. With, you know, a point. But sometimes my brain boycotts anything that resembles a logical train of thought, and the best I can come up with is random little bullet-point thoughts that often have nothing to do with one another. They remind me of rabbit turds: simple, small, yet numerous. (You're welcome for the mental image.) So anyway, here you go.

- Seriously, if I have to yell, "Get out of the toilet!" one more time today, you're going to read about the resulting epic meltdown in the newspaper.

- Against my better judgement, I gave the baby a small spoonful of peanut butter earlier. I just found the spoon ... spotless. Yet the baby has no peanut butter on him, not even around his mouth. I have the sinking feeling it's smeared on a wall or a mattress or the carpet somewhere.

- I can't smell. ANYTHING. I didn't realize how much I rely on my sense of smell until an unfair amount of snot took it away. Now by the time I discover that Coby is poopy, either a.) he's managed to squish it out the sides of his diaper, or b.) it has dried a little and there are spots that could best be removed with the help of a sander. Plus? We were away for the weekend and even though I promptly cleaned it out, I'm still paranoid that my house smells like cat box.

- Colin followed me into the bathroom the other day (what's new?) and after a brief silence, told me with the most solemn look: "You know, you could probably pee standing up if you'd just hold your vagina." .... ??? Thanks for the tip, son, but I'm pretty sure you have a lot to learn about the female anatomy.

- It's March. Like LATE March. And we're supposed to get snow tomorrow? WTF??? Where are my warm temperatures and my flowers and everything green? I want green! *goes outside to shake fist angrily at sky*

- My brother Steve, the same one who recently requested a mullet at his barber, was wearing a plaid hoody and plaid shorts (mismatched, naturally) and black socks with black shoes over the weekend. God I love that dude and his flippant attitude toward fashion.

- I complain about the weather, but I also realize that if we don't hurry and replace our torn grill cover (like, now) ... this will happen again.

- It is now day ten of Colin's spring break. (DAY. TEN.) We have six more days to go. (SIX. MORE. DAYS.) Did I mention that Colin and I butt heads like baby goats only not so cute and too much time together drives us both crazy?

- I just read through this post and realized that for the most part I sound like a whiny biatch, so I'ma end it on a positive note for y'all: this is the end. There's your positive note. Mwah!

- EDITED TO INCLUDE ONE LAST RABBIT-TURD: I totally forgot to tell you guys that I was interviewed on the 1Dental.com blog for the Mom's Guide to Caring for Little Teeth. Find it here!