5 Things I Hate About Snow Days

Yesterday was my oldest son's first-ever snow day ... and today is his second. And despite such minimal experience with weather-induced school cancellations, I have come to one pretty definitive conclusion: nothing, and I mean nothing, makes me feel like a terrible mother more than a snow day does. Here's why ...

#1: Laziness. There's just something about, oh, three-foot drifts of snow and mass-everything-closings that makes you want to stay in your pajamas. This was confirmed via Facebook, where the majority of my friends' status updates involved movies and hot chocolate. Which, of course, doesn't help - because hello, if everybody else is doing nothing, why shouldn't we? Consequently, I didn't do anything productive yesterday ... not even while the kids were napping. I didn't even shower. The house? A wreck. The laundry? Piled up (in the washer, the dryer, AND the basket). I did scoop a few turds from the cat box, but only to keep my house from smelling like it looked (i.e., like crap). Lazy, lazy, lazy ... which brings us to the #2 reason why snow days make me feel like a bad mom ...

#2: Lack of nutrition. Okay, so I may not be a paragon of dietary completeness, but I try. I serve vegetables with at least two meals a day, my kids snack on stuff like fruit and cheese and yogurt, and I rarely keep soda or Kool-Aid around. But on a snow day? It's like all that goes out the window, along with everything else. I have this ridiculous urge to bake - which is part of the reason why I made muffins for breakfast yesterday. And yes, they were carrot-apple-raisin muffins, but y'all? That's only because I had those things on hand. I guarantee you if I'd had a cake mix, some chocolate chips, or anything else junky like that ... we'd have had those things for breakfast instead. For lunch, I made my boys some overly-processed Kid Cuisines and didn't even care that they only ate the fish sticks, the mac & cheese, and the gummy worms and totally ignored the corn. And for supper, we ordered pizza. (Only we didn't have it delivered, because having a delivery driver venture out in the weather is kind of an asshole-ish thing to do.) And speaking of assholes and laziness, the two combine to make #3 ...

#3: Playing in the snow. When I was little, I loved playing in the snow. It was a wonderful part of my childhood which is why I feel totally obligated to let my boys play in the snow, even though I absolutely positively 100% despise doing it now (which is where the "asshole" part comes in, because that's what I feel like for being such a grump about it). If somebody else would get them ready beforehand? I'd be more willing. But yesterday, when my neighbor texted and asked if my boys wanted to play outside with her daughter, Curtis was still at work - so it was on me to get them all ready. And for snow like this, there's no throwing on a coat and boots and calling it good: you've got to layer. So I essentially dressed all three of my boys, three times. A layer of pajamas, a layer of heavier clothes, two pairs of socks - and then all the outerwear. But it's not like they can be stuffed into all that clothing without complaining. Ohhh no. These sleeeeeeeeeves are too short! Don't tuck my pants into my sooooooocks! There's a taaaaaag itching me! I want pants like Coliiiiiiiin's! I need to peeeeeeeee! I don't LIKE all these layerrrrrrrrs! And the biggest annoyance: Where is my (fill-in-the-blank)? Which is why it took me nearly half an hour to get everyone dressed, and brings us to #4 ...

#4: General unpreparedness. We live in Iowa. I expect rough winter weather. So naturally, my kids are equipped with hats, mittens, snow boots, and all the other appropriate gear. ... Until we really need it, that is. Because yesterday? A large proportion of those things had mysteriously disappeared. Between the three of them, I was able to find one pair of snow boots, two hats, and one pair of gloves (which I almost didn't locate until I searched the floorboard of the car). I'd be willing to bet that their remaining stuff either got dragged off somewhere to be chewed up by the dog, or are buried in the bottom of the toybox somewhere. Thank goodness for my neighbor, who just happened to have two extra pairs of mittens. So what if they were pink? So are frostbitten fingers ... and I'd rather my boys wear the former. The only thing that sucked about the mittens was that Coby snotted all over his borrowed pair, which means I have to wash them before I return them. And that, my friends, brings us to #5 ...

#5: Laundry. Laundry. Laundry. If you read #1, you know that the laundry situation in this house is already at crisis level. Now to that? Add this:

Yes, that is from yesterday. And yes, it is still piled up by the front door. And yes, it will probably remain that way for a while.

What, didn't you read the rest of the post? It's a snow day.