Ladies, Man

Until he started kindergarten five months ago, I was the love of my son's life. But then he noticed all the pretty little girls in his class. (And in other classes.) And now I'm pretty much chopped liver ... especially lately.

I expected this to happen. I really did. The problem is, I expected it to happen, like, years from now. Like in junior high or something. I know this is a selfish thing to say, but Colin has some geeky tendencies - and I was hoping that he'd be so intensely focused on his pursuit of new knowledge that he would fail to notice the girls around him. At least until he hits puberty ... I mean, my gosh.

But yeah ... not so much. In fact, his adorable nerd-in-training schtick seems to make him a surprisingly big hit with the older women. Case in point: these pictures he's been bringing home. From third-grade girls.

Did I mention these third grade girls have also taken it upon themselves to walk him out of school every day? Yeah. Two of them. They flank him on either side, and guide my beaming son across the crosswalk, where they then hug him goodbye and ruffle his hair and stand grinning and blowing kisses until he disappears into the car. And most days, while this is happening, no fewer than two little girls from his class are yelling, "Bye Colin!" and waving frantically like those "wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube men."

He has had at least three girlfriends from his own class over the course of the year. I use the term "girlfriend" loosely because I think of my own kindergarten "boyfriend," who was blissfully unaware that we were dating, so I had no choice but to chase him around the playground and pin him down for a kiss. For which I totally got in trouble. Although every time I've asked him, he swears that yes, they are mutually aware of their boyfriend/girlfriend status.

The first girl Colin "dated" was G., who he subsequently broke up with for "talking too much about silly things" (to which my husband helpfully snorted, "Better get used to that, son"). Then came E., but their relationship met its demise because she "chewed funny in his face." Now he's dating another E., with whom he says he talks about pheasants. As in birds.

???

He recently told someone who asked that he wants to "marry a girl who doesn't drink or smoke, and who takes care of herself." I can only hope his standards remain as high throughout his dating life ... although I hope he relaxes a little bit because seriously? Girls sometimes talk about silly things. And occasionally chew funny in people's faces. And, you know, fart and stuff.*

*With the notable exception of my friend Jenna, who is apparently some sort of fartless freak.

So anyway. The ladies, they love my little dude ... and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Maybe if he didn't love them back so much ...