Karaoke? Okey-dokey.

So ... I was just thinking about karaoke. (I don't know either, just go with it for the blog's sake.)

It's Friday. And for those of you (read: not me) who still have social lives, sometimes that entails karaoke. I know mine used to, back in like 2001 when I used to go out. I totally enjoy karaoke. Particularly the drunken variety - that's always the best.

Do you think I'm the one up there crooning my inebriated little heart out, though? Oh, no. No no no no nooooo. I'm the one in the audience, being amused by the people who are crooning their inebriated little hearts out. I'd never sing in front of strangers - I don't care how many martinis I've downed in quick succession. Even if I'm at the point of looking, teary-eyed, at my friend and saying, "Ohmigawd. I love you. I, like, totally love you. Seriously. For real! I do!"*

*I may or may not have done this in real life.
I have only participated in karaoke one time in my entire life. That was at my brother's wedding reception, and I only did it because a.) I was up there with my mom and my sisters, so you couldn't even hear me over their loud mouths beautiful singing, and b.) I had been sipping from the "adult" punch bowl. Here's the picture; note my fingers interlaced awkwardly over my chest, as if I could hide behind them:

 Is that Celine Dion in the purple shirt? No ... it's Rita.

The thing is, I really can sing. I'm actually pretty good - or so I think. But the "so I think" part is exactly why you'll never, ever see me (again) on a karaoke stage: because most people who can't sing don't know they can't sing. And nobody tells them!

Look at the American Idol auditions. Those poor judges. It's amazing how many people bust in there, totally confident, ready to give a life-changing performance - and nail it, at least in their own opinions. Meanwhile, everyone watching is squirming uncomfortably in the chairs, trying not to smile, eyes flitting back and forth but never resting on the singer. Why? Because it's one of those deals where someone believes they're really really good ... when, in reality, they're not.

The same goes for karaoke. Generally you wouldn't sing karaoke unless you were somewhat confident in your singing abilities, right? And you can tell, watching someone sing, when they think they're totally bringing down the house with their amazing vocals (does the name William Hung ring a bell?). Some of these people truly, genuinely imagine that they're talented singers, y'all. And who's going to tell them any different? You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who would tell you, honestly, "That sucked" - especially if they know that you yourself think you're the shiz.

So yeah, I would say that I'm a decent singer. I've been told I am, on the rare occasion that I sing in front of anyone. But how much stock can I place in that? Who's gonna tell me if my singing makes them nauseous? That's why I won't do karaoke - because karaoke is for people who don't give a shit whether people think they're good or not. And though I sorely wish I were that way, I'm so not. I want people to think I'm the best and most capable person. Ever. At everything.
When you think about it, the same principle applies to lots of stuff. Anything you create, really, from a painting to a souffle. If you invite someone's opinion, 99% of the time you're going to get a compliment even if, in reality, your creation sucks. Hell, even your kids. Especially your kids, really. It's not like ANYONE, when you're waving Junior's dopey picture in front of them, is going to be like, "Wow, sorry, but that is one ugly kid!"

But you know what? I guess I wouldn't want to hear the truth - about my singing or my cooking or my kids' level of cuteness - if the truth is something other than what I (happily and naively) perceive it to be. I'd rather just confidently cook my ass off, belting out a jammin' tune as I go, and serve it to what I think are the sweetest, most adorable little boys in the world.  

Have a great weekend ... whether it involves karaoke or not!