Practicing Bird Control

Today, boys and girls, I'm going to talk to you about ... protection.

If you remain unprotected during certain times, well, you're bound to end up with more than you bargained for. Multiple babies. Certainly an inconvenience in your life. And perhaps even ... an unpleasant infestation of mites.

I learned this myself last year, the hard way - mites and all. So I'm smarter now. I know that, even though it can be a a bit of a hassle at times, protection is of utmost importance. Which is why these days, I always use one of these:

Yep, a grill cover. What did you think I was talking about, you pervs? :)

You see, this is our third spring in this house. We've had our grill in the exact same spot since we moved in. And every year around April (that "certain time" I mentioned earlier), this happens:  

There's a little cutout in the side of our grill that's apparently perfect for a family of starlings to pop in and out of. And once they start nesting in there, I haven't got the heart to oust them. (Look here for a picture of some of our grill-babies.) Every year Curtis gripes. Every year I say, "But awwww, Honey, they're just trying to find a safe place for their family." And every year, I've dutifully waited until they've vacated the nest and then scrubbed and disinfected it top-to-bottom so we can actually use our grill for its intended purpose.

Last year, though, was a little different. Because as I was clearing the straw out of the nest, I happened to look down at my arm and noticed hundreds of tiny bugs swarming their way up.

I freaked the eff out. Screaming and dancing and frantically brushing bugs off my arm, yelling, "Liiiiiiiice!" Because I've totally heard that birds can give you lice. I've never had lice in my life and I wasn't about to get it from some skank birds I was just trying to be nice to. So after I got all the bugs off, I ran into the house and Googled it (scalp itching like crazy the whole time because that's just what happens when someone mentions the L-word). And whew! They were bird mites. Not lice. Still gross, but slightly less gross \than the alternative.

Needless to say, though, it was enough of a scare to convince me that we did indeed need protection. So this year, we've wrapped the Char-Broil. Because bird control is a serious matter, y'all.

This blog post can be taken both literally AND as a public service announcement promoting safe sex. So no matter what you came here looking for today, everybody wins! Yeehaw!