Tissues: a Tutorial
Dear Little Boys with Snotty Noses,
Let me give you a little tutorial, mmkay? This is a box of tissues:
Mommy = long brown hair, black-rimmed glasses (now with one earpiece, wanna make something of it?), comfy pants, no makeup
Mommy ≠ box of tissues
You see, my darlings, as much as I adore your hugs/kisses/running face plants into my backside, I would prefer that you refrain from doing said activities when your noses are leaking like faucets.
Yes, I am still wearing my pajama pants. And yes, they are crusted with your breakfast and the baby's spit-up and Lord-only-knows what else (what have I been into that's yellow?). But that does not indicate an open invitation for you to wipe your snotty schnoz along the length of my thigh. I love our encounters, kids, but not so much when one of you leaves a trail.
Love,
MOMMY
Let me give you a little tutorial, mmkay? This is a box of tissues:
And this? Is Mommy (in case you need further clarification, I'm the one on the right):
Mommy = long brown hair, black-rimmed glasses (now with one earpiece, wanna make something of it?), comfy pants, no makeup
Mommy ≠ box of tissues
You see, my darlings, as much as I adore your hugs/kisses/running face plants into my backside, I would prefer that you refrain from doing said activities when your noses are leaking like faucets.
Yes, I am still wearing my pajama pants. And yes, they are crusted with your breakfast and the baby's spit-up and Lord-only-knows what else (what have I been into that's yellow?). But that does not indicate an open invitation for you to wipe your snotty schnoz along the length of my thigh. I love our encounters, kids, but not so much when one of you leaves a trail.
Love,
MOMMY
Wait, wait, wait.... you mean you don't like snot all over you? I just love when Aiden rubs his sweet little I'm still a newborn so you can't be annoyed with me face into my neck and next thing I know I have crusted snot and slobber on me. Mmm... it's like mommy make-up. *scratchs at the crust*
ReplyDeleteIs it bad that this post will add to my motivation to continue taking birth control?
ReplyDeleteI don't do snot. Not yet.
Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteIn MY experience kids + box o' tisssues = white puffy pieces of paper all over the house & an empty box.
Since your pj's are already dirty. . . well, you decide!
Ewwwwwwww....but I feel your pain. Miss H has been coughing up a lung the past few days, all over me and all over the baby.
ReplyDeleteheavens I know what you mean. My son usually puts out his hand for me to "check THIS out MOM"
ReplyDeleteLittle shits.
Drake hasn't had a snotty nose yet, but he has had the slobber kisses - messy!
ReplyDeleteYuck. My kids like to wipe their noses on me too. And if it's not on me, it's our furniture. It's why we don't have nice things.
ReplyDeletewe are a house full of sickies right now. my sweater is covered in snot...okay, maybe not 'covered', but there's definitley a crusty something or other on my sleeve.
ReplyDeleteMine do it too. I think it's 'cause my jammy pants smell like a sweet mixture of syrup, and play-doh, and french fries, and booty. Perhaps yours do too?
ReplyDeleteYes, I've had more than my share of snotty encounters and crusty clothing! And then there's the fun of trying to chase down your kid to wipe a nasty nose. Thank God for tissues! I never liked the thought of using a handkerchief and then having to wash it. UGH!
ReplyDeleteAmen! I am so tired of being a human Kleenex too.
ReplyDeleteI love the mysterious yellow on the pants, it always raises it ugly little head but it comes out ... LOL
ReplyDeleteOh the runny noses will they ever stop?
Ha! I am officially adding you to my blogroll ... my kind o' mama!
ReplyDeleteIn addition to that...dear the babe who has to spit up - mommy puts a bib on your for a reason...my shirt sleeve, mt pants, the floor, your play mat, the comforter and the couch are not viable places for you to spit on...especially not after you've eaten solid food...yucky!!!
ReplyDelete~WM
As mothers we become the tissues, toilets, and dump sites of our kids. And it doesn't get too much better as they get older, they just make bigger messes on us. A ten year olds stomach holds a lot more crap to spew, and their sinus houses a lot more snot! Yuk.
ReplyDeleteI have 3 boys - they are all grown now, but I remember those moments all to well. Is this just a boy thing????
ReplyDeleteI have never had to handle as much snot as I have since I became a Mom. I too am not a box of kleenex. LOL.
ReplyDeleteWill you link your email to your blogger profile? I wanted to respond to your comment yesterday and get 'no reply at blogger' as your email. Boo! :)