Things That Are Actually Cool About Fatness

So yesterday I was huffing and puffing on the Wii Fit during my 30-minute step routine (and before you get all like, 'Stepping on a Wii Fit is like stepping on a book or something' let me interject that I have one of those stair extenders so it's actually a workout and I do little hops and stuff and I really am slightly hardcore with it thank-you-very-much) ...

Um, okay, where was I?

Oh yes. Yesterday. So anyway, I was doing my step and I thought about how hard I'm working to get all this yucky excess weight off, and I was wishing the whole process didn't take so damn long. I mean, how is it fair that I can eat an entire box a few pieces of chocolate and it shows up with near-immediacy on my thighs - yet working it off takes, like, weeks? 

Anyway, while I was thinking that, I was wishing there were something to enjoy about being fat in the meantime. And to my surprise, I didn't have to think all that hard to come up with a few things that, while I'd rather be skinny, make being temporarily pudged-up more tolerable.

#1: I have boobs. If you've been reading long, you know that I'm a flat-chested, two-mosquito-bites kind of girl until I get pregnant and gain a bunch of weight. But then? BAM. Here come the boobies. I revel in my useful cleavage and have been known to actually stand in front of the mirror and admire the way they fill out a bra. Because that's, like, never happened to me before. At least not in my non-fat life. So you see? There's the first good thing.

#2: I'm a soft place to lay. People like to lay on me these days. The kids, the cats, the husband, it doesn't matter - they all appreciate the comfort of a big, squishy midsection to use as their own personal pillow. I mean, they'd love me anyway, but speaking as someone who has been both skinny and fat, I can certifiably confirm that kids/cats/husbands seem more comfortable at the more, um, ample end of the spectrum.

#3: I can hold more kids. I don't know about yours, but my kids sometimes vie for my lap space. When you've got a kid for each thigh, it's not such a problem. But when you get to three or more kids and still only have two standard-sized thighs, space is a real commodity - one apparently worth bickering and poking and all-out scrapping over. Unless you're a big girl ... and then, voila, thighs enough for everyone! It's a win-win situation: the kids all have a place to sit, and I don't have to deal with the squabble over who's sitting where.

#4: There's just something about dancing when you're fat. I love to shake my groove thang. And one of the biggest surprises that came with fatness is how much more fun dancing is (when I'm by myself, anyway) when I have more "groove thang" to shake. Like yesterday I was rocking out to "Say Hey" by Spearhead and Michael Franti (that link is a little pop-up window that lets you listen to the song, no-strings-attached, and I dare you to try and listen without dancing a little in your chair because you can't. YOU CAN'T). And I was noticing how voluptuous my hips felt while I was swinging them around, and how the slight jiggle of my ass was actually a pleasant addition to the movement. You can't get that when you've got no ass, friends. No sir.

#5: I can always find my napkin. This may seem insignificant, but it's a decent perk. My mama always taught me to put my napkin in my lap at the table like a proper lady (too bad it's, like, the only lesson in proper lady-hood I retained). When I'm skinny, half the time the napkin ends up slipping onto the floor. But when I have enough belly, I can tuck the napkin between stomach and thigh, where it's pinned conveniently in place until I need it. Napkin problems? Not any more. At least not until I lose a few additional pants sizes.

So there you have it, guys and dolls. As much as I'd ultimately rather be skinny, and am working on that goal (40+ pounds down since Coby was born! Woot!), there actually are a few things to enjoy about being shaped like the Venus of Willendorf (the lovely statue featured up top). So while I've got the extra poundage, I'm gonna enjoy it as much as I possibly can. I know it's hard to do, but it's all about the attitude, y'all. Don't hate - celebrate!