Gum-brawl

When you think of a snack, what comes to mind?


I know, it’s gum, right?

... Yeah, me either.

Apparently, though, the folks at whatever company manufactures Extra sugar-free gum are thinking differently. I recently saw a commercial that touted Extra as "the long-lasting low calorie snack."

WTF?

Come again, ad people?

I’m sorry, but GUM is not a snack. Day care teachers don’t hand out sticks of gum with midmorning juice boxes. Kids don’t come home and eat an after-school piece of gum. Have you ever walked around the mall and been like, "Hey, I'm starving. Let's hit up the gumball machine in the food court?" Doubtful. And when we wake up hungry at midnight, are we looking for a "midnight chew?" No. We’re looking for an effing midnight SNACK, that’s what. 

The definition of "snack" according to Merriam-Webster:


Pronunciation: ..'snak..


Function: noun: a light meal : food eaten between regular meals

See? This proves there’s no way that gum can be a snack. Even if you argue that it is in fact something you have between meals, you still don’t eat it. Unless you’re a toddler who doesn’t understand the concept of just chewing.

(Which, if you’re reading my blog, you are obviously not.)

If you think one stick of sugar-free gum is a snack, you’ve probably got an eating disorder. Please get some help.

Anyway, I’m off my soapbox now. Think I’ll go have a ... well, you know.