Eyes Like a ... What?

As every pink carnation, huge balloon and heart-shaped box of candy reminds us (incessantly, starting at, like, Halloween) it's almost time for V.D. For the non-slutty portion of society, that means Valentine's Day. For the promiscuous non-penis-wrapping set, it still means ... well, you know. Itch, scratch, burn.

You'd think since Valentine's Day is our "dating anniversary" (twelve years and holding!) - and the occasion for which, a year later, he proposed to me - that Curtis and I would always do something extra-special to commemorate. But we don't. In fact, it's always boringly anti-climactic around our house (hehe, interpret that comment any way you want). Here's how it usually goes down (listen to me! I'm on some sort of pervy roll!):

Me (at, like, 2 pm when I realize the date): Happy Valentine's Day.

Curtis: Oh, is that today? Then Happy Valentine's Day to you too. *peck*

Seriously, that's how it goes. Tres romantique, no? Sometimes I bitch about it just a little bit, because I get sick of hearing, "I got the most beaaaaautiful bouquet from so-and-so!" and "Such-and-such bought me a gooooooorgeous heart-shaped diamond necklace!" and I'm all, "Oh yeah? Well ... my husband bought me a candy bar last Tuesday."

*cricket, cricket*

Usually when I gripe he offers to go buy me some flowers. And then I have to gently explain to him (using helpful words like "moron" and "geez") that while gas-station carnations are a nice gesture, they're not exactly the epitome of romance.

What do I expect, though? This is a man who told me on our third wedding anniversary that he had to get my gift "out of the car" ... which I then heard start up and pull out of the driveway. He returned with a pair of earrings half an hour later. Um ... awwww?

Romance just isn't one of Curtis's strong suits, I'm afraid.

But sometimes, on rare occasions, he'll surprise me. March of 2008 was the last time (step it up, Honey), when I found this touching and eloquent love poem, written on our shower wall in green bath crayon:

If you can't see what it says, allow me to decipher:

"Hair brown like poop,

Eyes like a frog,

Put your arms around me

and I'll 'do' you like a dog."

OMG. So. Romantic.

When I remarked about him putting the word "do" instead of the obvious profanity that would work in that space, he just shrugged. "Gotta keep it romantic," he said.

Here's to keeping it romantic, I guess. Keep spreading that V.D. love all year long, kids ... and I do mean Valentine's Day. ♥

Sweetheart, I love you like crazy (and I'm an expert on crazy), romantic or not. Thanks for being my biggest fan ... my daily inspiration ... and for, you know, being useful around the house and stuff. Mwah!