Best Diet Tip EVER

My four-year-old loves to take videos with my cell phone. He's always walking around recording something, which is why there are several videos of a.) me with one or both boobs hanging out (for the record, I'm nursing, not intentionally being the neighborhood exhibitionist); b.) random shots of the heater vents and the omg-is-it-seriously-that-dirty carpet; c.) me slumped at the computer (looking like I'm taking posture lessons from the Hunchback of Notre Dame ... seriously, y'all, my posture ... ugh).

The other day he propped the phone against one of the pieces of clutter things on the kitchen counter and left it there. I didn't even know it was recording. He was hopping around the floor, intending to film himself - but my little man isn't the most skilled videographer, so what did he film instead?

The refrigerator.

Me opening the refrigerator.

My humongous needs-a-"wide-load"-sticker, should-beep-when-I-back-up ASS bending over, directly into the camera, getting into said refrigerator.

But it got worse. I turned around, giving the hateful recording lens full view of my un-sucked-in belly. Which was, at the time, unflatteringly clad in a too-small tank top and hanging over some pajama pants. OMG. Picture Britney Spears at the height of her hot-messness, plus like fifty pounds. And homeless.

Yeah.

Obviously when I realized the stupid phone was capturing my every hippolike move, I turned that sucker off. My finger trembled a little as it hovered lightly over the "Play" button in hesitation. But like anything gruesome, I couldn't help but look. And stand there, mouth agape, as I was faced with my own appalling camera-lens-filling rear end. You never know what you really look like until you see yourself on camera ... moving around ... in real time.

Normally when faced with something upsetting I tend to stuff my face with Oreos eat. But not this time. This was a wake-up call. And though I'm still trying to be positive about my pudge until it's gone, I'm proud to say that I've lost ten pounds since that fateful video was (accidentally) taken. Fighting the frump, y'all. For serious.

I saved the video. Maybe when I lose the rest of my weight, and am all supermodel-ly, I'll share it with you.

... Or maybe not.