One Gym Membership, Barely Used

So ... I have this gym membership. I pay like $40 bucks a month or some ridiculous amount. I guess $40 bucks a month isn't that ridiculous for a gym membership ... if you use it. But since I've gone twice in coughthreemonthscough, it's hardly worth the money.

The truth is, I hate being the gym newbie. This particular gym is a 24-hour place, where you get a little key-thingy and have to swipe it over the sensor to unlock the door. Only where other people effortlessly swipe and enter, I always swipe it with the key on the wrong side. Then re-swipe it in a place where the sensor doesn't pick it up. Then fumble and drop it while I'm trying to re-re-swipe. And all this time, the people on the machines - which face the door - are casting sideways glances at me and, in my mind at least, suppressing snickers.

Then I go in and inevitably do something stupid. Like climb on an elliptical machine in an "I do this all the time" manner and put my water bottle in a little hole that looks like it holds a water bottle, only my bottle falls right through. Or get on the treadmill with the high-tech computerized screen and then sit there for twenty minutes while I go through a sequence of pushing the wrong buttons. Or try to adjust the seat on a bike and think I have it latched, only to go sliding forcefully and embarrasingly backwards when I try to pedal.

Not to mention I have this habit of singing out loud to my iPod and not realizing it until, like, someone is looking at me all weird.

I know. If I went to the gym more often, I wouldn't be a newbie any more. But it's ever-so-much easier to stay home and work out with my trusty Wii Fit. Yeah, so it rudely groans "oooph!" when I step onto the balance board (that asshole), and my little Mii character looks like she ate the other Miis for breakfast - but at least I can be fat and uncoordinated in private.