Tree-asco, Part Two

I know that putting up a Christmas tree is great fun for the kiddies and whatnot. But for someone like me - someone who detests disorder (ironic since my house is usually the definition of disorderly) and haphazardness - the tree has been a great source of distress this year. Why? Because it looks like a holiday store took a massive dump in the corner of my living room, that's why.

In case you missed it, you might want to read over my initial post on this subject here. If you're all, "No way Rita, I don't have time to read any more of your goofy ramblings," then let me just give you a sampling of what happened when we put up our tree:
- It was dripping wet
- Half the lights didn't work
- There was someone hiding in the branches

So anyway. For the longest, we had a half-lit, undecorated tree. It just sat there looking like this:

But we figured we'd better buck up and finish it. After all we'd gone through to get it up in the first place, there was no way we were just letting it sit there all pitiful and half-nekkid for the remainder of the Christmas season. So we got rid of the crappy unreliable lights and got some brand new LED lights! They use far less energy (told you I was saving the earth, y'all!) and never get hot. Awesome. And once the tree was lit, we could put the rest of the decorations on. The ribbons. The bead garland. The ornaments. The star.

I thought that would be it. We'd decorate the tree and bask in the shining glow of its beauty all month long. But what I didn't take into account? Is that this is my first Christmas with:
- a four-year-old who doesn't listen
- an almost-two-year-old who is mesmerized by all the shinies
- two curious cats
- a three-month-old who steals my attention while the aforementioned crew is WRECKING the TREE

Yep. Our fully decorated tree, in its entirety, was pretty for about 2.5 seconds. And the top half still is ... for the most part. (Nan, this picture is for you, my friend!)

Now let's take a gander at the bottom half of the tree, shall we?

Mm-hmm. This is what happens when a tree is repeatedly pillaged by kids and cats and whatever else is probably living deep within the recesses of my carpet. And when a grand total of seven ornaments have been broken or otherwise rendered useless.

I was seriously thinking that someone needs to invent some sort of (attractive) barrier that keeps kids and animals and carpet-pests out of Christmas trees. Like one of those screens you put in front of your fireplace, you know? Anybody inventive and crafty out there? You can totally steal my idea and patent it and make millions. 'Cause it's, you know, brilliant and stuff. As long as you'll send me a freebie.

Because if anyone ever needed a Christmas tree guard?

It's me.