What's the Holdup?

I used to write a new blog every day. But now? Well, it's a little more difficult. For example: right now I'm typing this one-handed, due to the squirming infant on my lap who screams when I put him down like I've doused him in battery acid. Which means that by the time I peck through this post, removing typos as I go, it will probably take me three friggin' hours. Except that three hours will be punctuated with "urgent" demands, diaper changes, and minor catastrophes such as Cameron attempting to eat cat vomit like he did early this morning, so really it'll probably take like five hours.

And in that time I'll probably have to pee, which is normally a quick and insignificant event - except when two little kids follow me and raid the bathroom cabinets and try to climb into my pajama pants while they're around my ankles and trip while they're getting out of my pants which causes them to cry.

And I'm sure after that I'll get them occupied with some toys or books (and by "toys" and "books" I mean TV) but as soon as I do the baby will start in again, acting like I didn't just feed him like half an hour ago and he's staaaaaaarving and OMG I must feed him nooooooow!!! So I'll feed him but he'll only eat like an ounce before he goes to sleep and I'll put him down in his bouncy seat, where he'll immediately wake up and fuss and I'll put his pacifier in and it'll fall out. I put it in, it falls out. I put it in, it falls out. And so on.

And in the meantime there will be these hideous shrieks from the living room and I'll be all, "Get your butt off of your brother's face, he's trying to watch TV!" and then I'll try to get back to typing this post. But Cameron will get tired of TV and come in here and climb all over me in my computer chair and I'll be trying to type while being wallowed half to death and bouncing the baby in his seat with my foot.

And then I'll notice that the cat is on the kitchen table with his nasty litter-box feet and he's eating Colin's leftover scrambled eggs, which he will promptly throw up because he can't tolerate human food but he's dumb enough to try and eat it anyway. So I'll stop typing - AGAIN - and shoo him off the table and then out of the room completely for good measure.

And then just you watch: while I'm doing that, one of my kids will come over to the computer where I've got this blog on the screen, and they'll hit "Publish Post" before it's even fi