DON'T Follow Me on Twitter!

Everybody's on Twitter these days. Even me, and I'm always lagging when it comes to technology. (I didn't get a cell phone until like 2007, and I was seriously the last person I knew without one. Except for, like, my grandma).

Twitter is pretty cool because you can share snippets of your life in 140-character-or-less "tweets." Some of my most recent tweets:

- Can anybody else eat a pint of ice cream in one sitting? ... No? ... Just me then? ... *runs away*

- My 4-year-old actually requests wedgies. What is WRONG with this child?

- Crap. Forgot it was trash day.

- One hour until bedtime, one hour until bedtime, one hour until bedtime...

Yep, most some are silly and mundane, but it's actually pretty cool to see the inner workings of some people's minds and the little details of their lives. When you care about those people's minds and lives enough to keep track, that is.

Like any other social networking tool, though, there's a definite downside to Twitter. And for me, that's the spam followers: people who follow you - i.e., subscribe to your tweets - just because they want to invite you to "Click here for my XXX site!" or "See how I make $10,000 a week on Twitter!" or other similar crap.

Note to spam followers: I don't want to see "exclusive video" of Britney Spears going down on some skeezy backup dancer. Nor do I have the desire to look at anything on Paris Hilton that's further south than, like, the top of her head. I'm not stupid enough to believe I can make $10 grand a week on anything, let alone freakin' Twitter. And unless you're Johnny Depp, I'm not into viewing your naked cam, thanks.

(But if you indeed are Johnny Depp with a naked webcam, sign me up!)

I'm into quality, not quantity, people. Sure, I adore new followers - I admit, it was awesome to cross that 100-follower threshold (shut up, all you people with thousands of followers. I'm new at this). But it's even MORE awesome to know that you have that many legitimate followers: people who want to follow you because they want to know more about your life. Not because they want to rope you into their Internet sleaziness.

And one more thing, while I'm on my Twitter-griping-soapbox? Get a life, people who actually care whether someone reciprocally follows them. Puh-lease. Just yesterday I un-followed someone who actually had the gall to tweet something like: "I just found out so-and-so isn't following me - and we've even talked on the phone!" What was worse, she put a link to this person's profile, calling her out publicly so all the other followers could see. Baaaaad form, chick. Way to be adolescent about it.

So anyway: if you care to know the oh-so-fascinating details of my life ("Breakfast time. What would Jesus eat? A PB&J. Absolutely") and be kept posted with up-to-the-minute tweets while I'm in labor (if I ever go into labor, that is) then you should definitely follow me on Twitter.

But if you just want me to look at you naked, well ... you'd better be Johnny Depp.