Weight-ing for Baby (or "Yes, I Know I'm Huge")
I think, from now until I give birth (and for long enough afterward that people won't think I'm still pregnant), that I'll just become a hermit and stay locked up in my house. Seriously. Because I've got two more months to go, and my huge freakshow of a belly is already inciting questions, comments, and looks ranging from sympathetic to scowling. It has happened with all three pregnancies, but I think this is the earliest yet. Ugh. While I was making my glacial way walking through Wal-Mart yesterday, a lady actually stopped me.
"Oh Honey, you're due any day now, aren't you?"
"Actually, I have until September," I answered politely.
She looked stunned, as though I had told her I was on my way right that minute to give birth in the housewares section. "Well you don't look like you'll last that long," she said. "I'm ready to boil water and tear up sheets!"
Heh. Meet me in the housewares, lady.
Yeah, I'm big. Yeah, I've got to hold my shirt down when Iwaddle walk, because even shirts of the maternity variety aren't large enough to cover my mountain bump. Yeah, I do look like I should have given birth, like, six months ago - or that I'm pregnant with a toddler. Does this mean you need to point it out, people? Does it require a statement that only serves to highlight how gargantuan I am?
No. No, it does not. I know people mean well, but damn.
If I venture out, I need to just start wearing a huge sign that says the following:
1. The baby is due September 14th.
2. Don't worry, I'm not going to give birth on this floor.
2. Yes, I'm sure there's only one in there.
3. No, I probably couldn't get much bigger. Thanks for noticing ...
4. (... you asses)
"Oh Honey, you're due any day now, aren't you?"
"Actually, I have until September," I answered politely.
She looked stunned, as though I had told her I was on my way right that minute to give birth in the housewares section. "Well you don't look like you'll last that long," she said. "I'm ready to boil water and tear up sheets!"
Heh. Meet me in the housewares, lady.
Yeah, I'm big. Yeah, I've got to hold my shirt down when I
No. No, it does not. I know people mean well, but damn.
If I venture out, I need to just start wearing a huge sign that says the following:
1. The baby is due September 14th.
2. Don't worry, I'm not going to give birth on this floor.
2. Yes, I'm sure there's only one in there.
3. No, I probably couldn't get much bigger. Thanks for noticing ...
4. (... you asses)
You have a really great blog! You're funny too :) Keep up the good work! Stopping by from SITS.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Kelly
well, I think it's great that it's a big bump. Big bumps make healthy babies...
ReplyDeleteAnd, yeah, you're gonna wanna hide inside for awhile.
Thanks so much, Kelly!
ReplyDeleteShelly - you're right, my babies are always healthy. And they're good-sized (8 lbs. 9 oz. and 8 lbs. 15 oz., respectively) ... but never as big as people expect them to be judging by the size of my stomach!
I'm assuming that most of the people that make comments to you are women that have had children themselves. You'd think they'd know better!
ReplyDeleteYou would think! But they were probably the "stick-figure-smuggling-a-beach-ball" type of pregnant woman. ;)
ReplyDeleteyou tell them hun! I was massive with number 3 (she was only 6lbs 12) and 4 (8lbs 11) and i got sick of the comments but when i look back at some pictures i wasn't all that bad just having a baby. xx
ReplyDeleteRita, don't take it personally. If people have any sense to begin with, it goes right out the window when they talk to pregnant women. When I was 10 days past my due date with Ellis and went to the grocery store, the lady behind the deli counter asked me (very casually), "Just one?" "Yep. Just one baby in there. Thanks for asking, and I hope you gain 200 pounds the next time you get pregnant..." People even had the audacity to ask, "So when were you due?" without knowing that I had gone past my due date! Crazy.
ReplyDeletePeople and their stupid comments! It irritates me that they can be so rude and we so want to be rude back but we're not because we know better but we still so want to be rude back!
ReplyDeleteI was VP and Marketing Director for a dance company a few years ago, and we had an audition on my due date with my third child. I was helping with sign-ups and I think I was asked 83,000 times, "When are you due?" "Today," I'd answer. Every single time the person would ask me, "Why are you HERE?!?!?" Well, gee, moron, because I am NOT IN LABOR--what am I supposed to do, go lay in bed like the beached whale I feel like I am and twiddle my thumbs? Doesn't make the kid come any faster... sheesh.
Confession: with baby number three I sometimes I was rude back. At least twice that I can remember I'd look at them with utter contempt and say, "That isn't funny." One got all flustered and scurried away; the other got defensive so I held my hand up in the "policeman stop" position and walked away. I was so fed up by third kid/third trimester that I didn't even care. You are much nicer than I was! (I blame the hormones...but, really, I was just mean.)
Stopping by from SITS.
ReplyDeleteloved the blog!!
have a great weekend!!
"I'm ready to boil water and tear up sheets!"
ReplyDeleteWhat year is this? 1940? I had a homebirth so I'm a little behind on the times myself but, GEEZ. It's amazing how pregnant women bring out the weirdest in people.
You took it gracefully! LOL!
Thanks again girls! You've made me feel ever-so-slightly less like a beached whale ... and that, my friends, is a valuable service. :)
ReplyDeleteYep, I would have loved to be one of those cute little "basketball bellies." But alas, I was the waddling, belly-button-sticking-out, drooping boobs variety of pregnant person. And I agree, people can make the most ridiculous comments! The only advantage I found to being hugely pregnant was that I could cross the street anywhere and cars just stopped and waited. They probably didn't want to hit my massive self and damage their vehicles! LOL
ReplyDeleteOh your poor thing! At least you knew it was coming this time, right? I just had my first in December and people are down right mean! Do they not know our hormones are messing with our emotions enough?? We don't need the random rude comment to push us over the edge! Shesh!
ReplyDeleteNot really the most appropriate place to put this comment, but just wanted to tell you that I saw your poll on circumcision. I'm interested to hear your thoughts and opinions on it in blog form if you have the time/interest. I don't really have an opinion, and need to do more research on it before I ever decide. We talked about it in my Psychology Sex class. Interesting stuff.
ReplyDeleteRita! You are so funny!
ReplyDeleteHa ha! It sounds like we're pregnancy twins. High five from another "big belly"!
ReplyDeleteJust read this after I've got the Fevah! and if/when you get pregnant with your fourth I am making you a shirt at Cafepress. I'll change the due date but (unless of course you have twins) that's it! It would probably be a huge hit with pregnant women everywhere. I'll send you a check splitting the millions.
ReplyDelete