The Marshmallow Mystery

Yesterday we let Colin pick out his own cereal. (Since he's short, he went straight for the generic brand on the lower shelves - sweet!) Anyway, he chose this:

It's the cheap version of chocolate Lucky Charms, called "Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys." And right away, I was confused. You see, with actual Lucky Charms, everything fits together: the name of the cereal, its leprechaun mascot "Lucky," and the shapes of the marshmallows - pots of gold and lucky stars and four-leaf-clovers and all this. But there is no such logical order to the chaotic sugary mess that is Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys. The word "matey" brings to mind pirates ... you know, as in, "Arrr, matey!" Yet the only mascot on the bag to speak of is a small kangaroo named "Cool Blue" - not very pirate-y. This in itself is perplexing, but then I got to examining the shapes of the marshmallows ... and realized that, whatever they are, they seem to have very little to do with either pirates or kangaroos.

Here's where I need your help, so let's play a game, shall we? Try to identify each of the marshmallow shapes. (Note: these are not misshapen marshmallow anomalies - I actually dug through the bag to find the most perfect specimens of each shape. And sorry they're blurry, I'm just a sucky photographer.)

Marshmallow #1: Curtis says it's a dolphin. I say it's more ... flounder-ish. You decide.

Marshmallow #2: I'm pretty sure this is a shoe. But what does that have to do with anything?

Marshmallow #3: A heart? A pink-and-yellow diamond? A homosexual Superman symbol?

Marshmallow #4:
A cupcake, perhaps. Or a ... haystack ... with pink ... uh, no. I honestly have no idea.

Marshmallow #5: I'm sorry. Maybe it's that my mind is never far from the gutter. But this one looks a bit like a (pitifully small, oddly shaped) ... well, use your imagination. (Hint: part of the male anatomy.) For those of you with no pervy inclinations, perhaps we could just consider it a weird mushroom.

Marshmallow #6:
Definitely a new breed of blue chili pepper with a yellow top. Yes. That's got to be it. Or wait - maybe it's a sock.

I guess when you buy generic, you can't expect a coherent theme. But anybody who can somehow tie all this together gets major points for being the most creative person I know - because if there were ever a good example of the word "random" this would totally be it.

At least the cereal is tasty.