Ain't That Some S***?

I'm going to blog about a portion of my day, and I'm warning you now: it's going to sound like I made it all up. But I swear that - unfortunately - it's 100% true. I don't know how stuff like this happens to me. On one hand, I'm grateful because it's excellent blog material. On the other hand, it sucks because I actually have to live through it first.

I have been cleaning all day long. Yesterday afternoon Cameron spilled an entire glass of sweet tea all over my computer keyboard (can we say "sticky disaster?"), and while I was trying to remedy that situation - which takes a while, considering drying time and all - I wasn't on the computer much. After all, who can blog or update Facebook or Twitter without a fully functioning keyboard? (You better believe I tried though!)

Anyway, the upside to being keyboard-less is that it forced me to be pretty productive today; my inner housewife kicked some ass. I did a seemingly infinite amount of laundry, dusted, vacuumed, mopped, Windexed, and cleaned every inch of the fish tank with a toothbrush (I used Curtis's toothbrush, hehe ... nah, I'm just kidding, it's one I use expressly for fish purposes).

Toward the end of the afternoon - and the end of the cleaning - I was in serious need of a shower. But I was alone with the kids, and we all know how it goes when I try to even take a poo, let alone shower, by myself while the kids are here. So I had the ingenious idea of throwing them into the shower with me. We'd be in and out, we'd all be clean, and I wouldn't have to worry about what shenanigans they'd get up to while I was indisposed behind the curtain.

I got them both stripped down and put them in the tub. I then proceeded to brush my hair, which I do before every shower; it helps keep the post-shampoo tangles to a minimum. I'm standing there brushing when ... sniff sniff ... what is that God-awful smell? It smells like ....

... pee?

It was then that I realized that the ends of my hair were dripping wet. Horrified, I gingerly brought the saturated ends to my nose and nearly fell backwards. That smell was most definitely pee, and now I remembered why: yesterday, Cameron handily deposited my hairbrush in the toilet right after both Colin and I had used it. Niiiiiiice. At the time, I had been so busy that I'd just laid the brush on my bathroom counter to deal with later. Little did I know that I would forget to deal with it, and attempt to use it on my hair today. Ugh.

Nearly gagging from the scent of my urine-soaked hair, I got into the shower with the boys. I started lathering everybody up, and they both started crying. You know, the usual: "I can't stand uuuuup! There's water in my faaaaaace!" So I started to hurry. And when you rush through a job, bad things happen.

I finished cleaning Colin first, set him on the bathmat and dried him off, and away he ran to watch TV. Then I did the same for Cameron. I knew at that point I really had to rush because Cameron would be running around sans diaper. So I hurriedly tried to finish bathing so I could keep an adequate eye on things. (Namely, Cameron's "thing" - he has a bad habit of peeing on the floor if his diaper is off for two seconds.) While I was washing my face, I somehow - and I'm not kidding - jammed my finger up my nose and made it bleed. Way to go! That takes talent, right?

When I got out, Cameron was still doing all right, so I decided to go ahead and put my deodorant and my clothes on so that I wouldn't inadvertantly give the neighbors a show through the open windows. That's when he disappeared. When I went to look for him, literally less than one minute later, he was coming down the hall to meet me with something in his hand. It was a Glade plug-in ...

... covered in poop.

As was Cameron.

As was the living room floor.

All in the time it took me to put on pants and a shirt. And on my freshly vacuumed carpet, too.

The rest of the evening has been uneventful, knock on wood. It's bedtime for the boys in a few minutes, and I'm hoping there are no more crazy goings-on between now and then. As you can see, I think I've had all the crazy I can handle for one day.