Who's All Up In My Drawers?

I have thirteen forks.

I have ... five spoons.

Does anyone else see a discrepancy here?

I have no idea why the majority of my spoons are missing. Have they gone to the mysterious nether-world inhabited by lost socks?

Granted, the presence of two small children means that things randomly disappear on a regular basis, and are usually found in crazy places: a pacifier in my shoe, a pair of Diego undies in my purse (?), a rubber ball in the freezer. And I admit, I've found stray utensils in the kids' hiding places before - last week, in fact, I found an Elmo fork in the front flowerbed. (There's a hole in the living room window screen, and apparently Cameron had taken it upon himself to throw his fork out.) But I don't think that's the reason my spoons are missing.

Personally, I think Curtis is the culprit. He takes food to work on the daily, always tucking a fork or spoon inside his lunch bag next to the Tupperware. Usually he brings it home, but there have been several incidents in the past where he has left things behind - where they mysteriously disappear. And the other day he came home with someone else's utensil. (WTFork?) He swears he is not the reason my spoon population is dwindling faster than Joaquin Phoenix's career - and sometimes even gets huffy about it when I accuse him. As if he's tired of telling me, for the umpteenth time, that he is not some sort of conniving spoon-thief.

My mother-in-law solemnly swears that once, when the family was away from home for a few days, someone came in and stole all of her teaspoons. Did this happen to me? Is there some sort of maniac with a burning obsession for Templeton family spoons, patiently waiting for the right times to pilfer my sleek stainless-steel utensils one by one, striking a second generation?

Okay, so that may be a tad bit overdramatic. But still. I'd like to know ... what gives? Who's been all up in my drawers?